Getting Real About Marriage
By Bobby Blakey on July 12, 2020
1 Peter 3:1-7
Getting Real About Marriage
By Bobby Blakey on July 12, 2020
1 Peter 3:1-7
This is a rush transcript.
[00:00:01] I invite you to open your Bible and turn with me to Hebrews 13:4. Everybody, grab a Bible and let's go to Hebrews 13:4.
[00:00:17] And I want to welcome everybody who's here in the parking lot. I want to welcome everybody who's watching at home. Just looking around, we've got more room for more people here in the parking lot. So if you know somebody who wants to come to church, give them an invitation. Let them know they can cogame and sweat with us here. This is the hottest day the clocks ever been here in Huntington Beach. But it's so good to have all of you here. If you are on the livestream, thanks for joining us. We got spots if you want to come and join us here.
[00:00:47] But what you have entered, unbeknownst to you, is this is a marriage pep rally, everybody. We are here today to say that God created marriage between a man and a woman, that they should be joined together as one flesh. And this is a good thing. Can I get an Amen from anybody on that? That's what we're here to say.
[00:01:09] Now, and this is important for every single one of us to say it, whether you are a husband or not, a wife or not. It doesn't matter who you are. If you're a if you're a child, if you're if you're older in life, you know, look at what Hebrews 13 for says. This is a verse for every single one of us that are here. Everybody who's watching online, it says, let marriage be held in honor among all. And let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and the adulterous. Marriage is to be honored among all people. Let's let's get that down right there. If you're taking notes. That's the first blank. We're going right to it. Marriage is to be honored by all.
[00:01:57] Every single one of us should have a high view of marriage. We should place value on marriage. We should think God did something good.
[00:02:09] When he created the relationship of a man and a woman coming together as husband and wife, no longer two but one flush. This is something that everybody here you should have a high view about. And the problem is we are living in a world that has a low view of marriage.
[00:02:28] We are living in a culture that is devaluing marriage. We are literally in our lifetime. The definition of marriage is being changed in the country that you live in. I mean, this goes all the way back to Genesis two. You should write down Genesis two. Twenty four. If you're taking notes, because this is before the fall into sin, this is a part of creation that God created them male and female, that they would leave the man, would leave his father and mother be joined to his wife and the two would become one flesh.
[00:03:07] When you think about creation, don't just think about the the heavens and the birds of the air. Don't just think about the sea and the sea creatures. Don't just think about the land and the land animals.
[00:03:19] When you think about creation, one of the things that should come to your mind is the institution of marriage designed by God. First command God gave be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth that when the husband and the wife come together as one flesh, they have a family. And that was God's plan before there was sin. That's what God designed.
[00:03:46] So let me just tell you that abortion is a really big problem because we have separated the idea of being one flesh and being married and starting a family. And it's wreaking havoc in our nation. It's one of the fundamental rights of America today is abortion.
[00:04:04] And it's opposed to the will of God.
[00:04:07] It abortion and how that has flourished in our nation shows that we do not honor marriage.
[00:04:16] Divorce. We have seen a huge rise in divorce in America. Starting towards the end of the nineteen hundreds into this century.
[00:04:27] It shows that people don't have a real commitment. They don't value a covenant before God and these witnesses, for better or for worse. Till death do us part. It doesn't have value to us anymore. Right here where we live in North Orange County, South L.A. County, cohabitation is on the rise in a massive way. There are many people living together, acting married. Sometimes they even refer to each other as husband and wife. But they've never been married before God and before witnesses in a legal setting.
[00:05:03] So we're hearing things. I mean, people are you're probably hearing somebody say something bad about marriage on a regular basis. And when you hear those things, when you hear people saying that to people of the same gender can be married, when you hear those kinds of statements, do you think that's not what God says in the Bible?
[00:05:26] God has a definition of marriage. What we're going to study here today. It's not somebodies opinion. It's not my opinion. It is designed by God. And you can disagree with God. You can live your life how you want. But God has commanded that marriage should be honored by everybody. That only husbands and wives should be one flesh together. And anybody who's one flesh outside of the covenant of marriage will be judged by holy God. That's what that verse just said.
[00:05:56] So we got to all make sure that we have the right view of what God says, what does this mean that marriage would be held in honor among all. And so I just want to pray for us right now and pray for us as we get into this, that God will renew our mind. So it will please pray with me, father in heaven.
[00:06:16] What is being said down here on Earth about marriage is not what you say here in the scripture. So got maybe people have only heard what the world saying and they haven't heard what you were saying.
[00:06:29] And we pray that you will speak forth here today. Resounding out of this parking lot onto the Internet. To everybody who's going to hear this message that they will know what your scripture says.
[00:06:42] And that they will have a high view of marriage, as you designed it to be.
[00:06:46] They got I just pray for all of us as we've been affected by our own personal experiences, as we've been affected by hearing thoughts of the world all around us. Will you make sure that we're thinking rightly? About what it means for a man to leave his father and mother to be joined to his wife and the two to become one flesh. God, will you teach us from your word so that we could have this right view, this value of marriage as we're commanded here in Hebrews 13 for God? Let that be true of every single man, woman and child that hears this message that we see what you created. That it was not good for the man to be alone. But then you created woman to be the helper suitable, the fit companion for the man.
[00:07:33] And when there was male and female created in your image as spiritual beings in the image of you are father in heaven to have a relationship with you. And you looked at them male and female as you design them, and you said, this is very good.
[00:07:49] God help us to say amen to that here today that what you created in marriage is very good. And let us live our entire lives honoring marriage. So please, God, we need to hear your word. We've heard what the world has to say. Let us hear from you today. We pray this in Jesus name. And everybody said. All right, let's turn to first, Peter, chapter three. First, Peter, chapter three. We're going to study six versus four wives and one verse four husbands written by the apostle Peter. Now, there's a lot in the Bible about marriage. A lot of it that we look at in some of the letters, like a Fusions or Colossians written by Paul.
[00:08:32] But one thing we know about the apostle Paul is that he was single and he actually says singles a great way to live in First Corinthians seven. So what we have a lot of statements from Jesus about marriage and not getting divorced and what God has joined together let no man separate. But then in some of these instructional letters for Christians, it talks about. Here's what the wives should do in their role. Here's what the husbands should do in their role. But one of the guys writing some of those passages wasn't married. Peter was married. He is writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. And he's writing out of a relationship with his wife. Hey, so you could write down a few verses here. Mark 130 would be one that you could write down. It's actually in all three of the synoptic gospels, Matthew A14, Mark 130 and Luke four, 30A Every single gospel tells the story of Peter's mother in law. So this is at the beginning of the Ministry of Jesus. This is when Peter's fresh off the boat because Jesus just said, follow me. And he threw down his nets and he followed Jesus as a fisherman there on the northern part of the Sea of Galilee. And we're talking about Capernaum is the fishing village here on the northern part of the Sea of Galilee. And what happened here in these stories? You should go look one of these up later and read the whole story. But Jesus is teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum. And when the service there is done of Jesus's teaching right across the street and if you go to Israel, you can literally do this. You go in the synagogue and then you walk across the street to Peter's mom's house where she has a fever and Jesus miraculously heals her from her fever and she immediately serves them.
[00:10:26] And I think helps them have a meal.
[00:10:30] So Peter here has a mother in law. And so think about that. In the three years that he was a disciple of Jesus. He was already married before that when he's an apostle, turning Jerusalem upside down. He has a wife.
[00:10:46] Another reference you could write down his first Corinthians, chapter nine. Verse five. First Corinthians, chapter nine. Verse five. Paul's writing. And this is just a couple of chapters after he talked about the value of being single where you have this undistracted, undistracted devotion to the Lord. Well, then he says this in First Corinthians nine five. Do we not have the right to take along a believing wife, as do the other apostles and the brothers of the Lord, and see this and see if this is another way to say Peter? So Paul saying, hey, I could be Mary. Just like the apostle Peter is Mary.
[00:11:23] So when Peter writes this, it's a little bit different, I feel like this passage than the other passages we have on husbands and wives. The other passages give us the ideal of what husbands and wives should be. This passage gets into the real of how it sometimes goes between husbands and wives. So this is going to get very honest. And if you're a husband or a wife, you need to make sure that you are seated in the appropriate position for the journey that we're about to go through this text together, because we're going to be talking about your marriage, your marriage here today if you're married. If you're a husband or a wife, you know how you need to have your seatbelt on before you go on a road trip. You need to have your tray tables locked in your seat in the upright position before you go on an airplane trip. Well, you need to have your elbows locked in. Husbands and wives, you need to have your eyes looking at the word because there might be a moment where you want to say a man and throw a little elbow out during their sermon. All right. This is a sermon about you, not about your spouse. The word of God speaks to you, not to other people. We we should really have our elbows locked every time we hear the word. We shouldn't be thinking. Oh, so it's all really needs to hear this one. You need to really hear this one. Can I get a man from anybody out there? So let's get our elbows locked in here, everybody. Let's get our eyeballs on our Bibles. And I'm going to invite you to stand as I read our text of scripture first, Peter, chapter three versus one to seven. And this is this is going to really change some marriages. This could be the breakthrough that some people need. This could be a great encouragement for some of you who have been married for a long time. This is going to help people who are hoping to get married in the near future. This is first, Peter, chapter three versus one to seven.
[00:13:14] Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word.
[00:13:23] By the conduct of their wives, when they see you are respectful and pure conduct, do not let your adorning be external.
[00:13:33] The braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear.
[00:13:37] But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy woman who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. And you are her children. If you do good and do not fear anything, that is frightening.
[00:14:04] Likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. Since they are heirs with you of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered. That's the reading of God's word. Please go ahead and have your seat.
[00:14:27] And we need to really think through this passage together, OK?
[00:14:32] And we need to we need to remember the context that we've been looking at. And first, Peter, it's been a couple weeks, so let's just remind ourselves. Go back to chapter two, verse twelve. He started talking about how they conduct themselves when he said, keep your conduct among the gentiles honorable so that when they speak against you as evil doers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation. So make sure that you're conducting yourself. It already got to our conduct. We need to be holy as God is holy and we need to be honorable among people who don't have a relationship with God.
[00:15:08] So when they want to talk bad about us, live in for Jesus and doing what is right, they actually can't say something bad about us because they've got to realize we're actually with God and they should want to join us and they should be saved themselves.
[00:15:24] So it's really a strong statement that if you live your life a certain way, you will shine the light of God's glory, you will give people a glimpse of the gospel. And people could get saved because of the way that you live for Jesus Christ. Now, he began to describe three different spheres, three different relationships where we might need to willingly place ourself underneath someone else's authority. He talked about the government. He talked about servants being subject to their masters. And then he talked about the ultimate example of how Jesus, our Lord, submitted himself to die on a cross, to bear our sins in his body on the tree. He didn't say anything about it. He didn't revile in return. He didn't defend himself because he was dying for you. Then he says, likewise, wives be subject or who potage so willingly place yourself underneath the authority of your husbands. So that even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word. By the conduct of their wives when they see a respectful and pure conduct. So clearly, these two themes of how you conduct yourself around people who don't believe and how you submit yourself in relationships, both of those ideas are coming together in those first two verses. OK. So when it says even if some do not obey the word every other time Peter uses that phrase, here's if you're taken notes, you might want to jot this down. This phrase, do not obey. The word is in chapter two, verse eight. It's in chapter three, verse 20, and it's in chapter four, verse 17. Let me say that again. That's chapter two, verse eight, three twenty and four seventeen. So we have three other times. Do not obey the word or do not obey the gospel is in this book. And clearly every other time it's referring to somebody who's an unbeliever. So it's saying that if a wife, even if so, this is we're going to have to really think this through. This is not a passage written just for wives who are married to unbelievers. It is for all wives. Later, the example is going to be Sarah submitting to Abraham Abraham in the mindset of the people that Peter's writing to. He's the ultimate example of a believer, a man who believed and was considered righteous by God.
[00:17:57] So it applies to all wives. But it's saying even if you're a wife and your husband is a..
[00:18:04] The gospel does not obey the word. He is not. You are not equally yoked. He is not with you in Christ.
[00:18:12] You as a wife could still conduct yourself in such a way that even your husband could end up getting saved when he sees the way that you embrace your role as a wife.
[00:18:25] Now, that's it. That's it. That's an amazing statement.
[00:18:29] That if we can really understand what that means, that will change the way nearly every one of us view marriage here today. Hey, so first, what we've got to say is there are husbands who are going to hear this message that need to repent of their sins and believe in Jesus Christ. There are men that I'm talking to right now, and, you know, your wife lives like a Christian. You see the way she conducts herself and she is a faithful wife to you following you. And you are in many times a lame husband to her.
[00:19:06] And yet, look at her go, man.
[00:19:09] You need to repent of your sin. And you need to see how your wife lives and you need to realize I don't live like that. I need to live the way she's living.
[00:19:21] That's what it's saying. There are men who need to repent because they are not obeying the word. And one of the things that should help those men realize that come to their senses, have their eyes open. Is their wife.
[00:19:38] Now, let's keep going here, look at verse three, it says, do not let your adorning be external. So how is your wife? Let's think this through. Your husband is not really loving you. Is Jesus love the church because he doesn't even believe in Jesus.
[00:19:51] Maybe he believes that he's true, but he's not living his life for Jesus. He's not denying himself, taking up his cross and following Jesus.
[00:19:59] So if your husband if he doesn't even believe in Jesus, but yet you're going to keep conducting yourself in a submissive way to him, where is that power going to come from for the wife in that spot?
[00:20:14] Maybe he doesn't even appreciate all the things you're doing.
[00:20:17] Maybe he actually he actually takes advantage of your submissiveness and makes life harder for you. How are you going to continue to conduct yourself?
[00:20:28] And look what it said there in verse two. It says respectful and pure conduct. Now, actually, the word for a respectful there and you should write this down if you're a wife, respectful there literally means in fear. It's in Phobos. It's the Greek word for fear. So this is not talking about respecting your husband, even though the scripture does say that in a Fusion's five at the end of that chapter, it says that a wife should respect her husband. This is talking about because of your fear of God, you conduct yourself a certain way.
[00:21:04] If if we could understand what I'm about to say right now, this is going to change the marriages here today. Your marriage is a response to your relationship with God, not your relationship with your spouse. If you fear God, you can conduct yourself as a wife, even if you have worst husband scenario possible.
[00:21:29] That's what Peter's saying.
[00:21:31] Because it's not about you responding to your husband. It's about you responding to God. And so Peter encourages the ladies. Hey, when you when you're getting ready, when you're when you're getting dressed. Right. The adorning here, you're getting yourself ready to go and you're braiding your hair and you're putting on jewelry and you're picking out your clothes. They're in your closet. Make sure what you're really putting on. Make sure what you're really covering yourself with is the hidden person of the heart where you've got to have a beauty that God sees, a beauty that will come out in your life for sure, but is really only totally seen by God. It's the beauty of a gentle and a quiet spirit.
[00:22:14] And it's something that's cultivated because you as a wife have a relationship with God. And it's like God sees your soul.
[00:22:25] See, when we were created male and female in the image of God. God does not have a body, everybody.
[00:22:32] God is a spirit. And those who worship him must worship him in spirit and truth. Jesus Christ, his son put on flesh to die for us on the cross, to rise again, to give us new life. But God is a spirit on a throne being worshiped by all kinds of creatures in heaven.
[00:22:51] And he made you to be a spiritual being who would have a relationship with him.
[00:22:57] And so the question that it gets to hear is not what is the wife doing, it starts with that, but what is going on in her heart.
[00:23:06] And ladies, I just want to encourage you. It says, in God's sight, this is very precious. Like when God looks into your heart, if you're a wife, no matter what your husband is doing. If God looks into your heart and he sees that you have a quiet and gentle spirit, God sees you are beautiful. God sees that to be valuable, precious in his son.
[00:23:33] So let's get this down is a big principle, marriage reveals your relationship with God. Everybody, you're taking notes. Let's get that down. Marriage reveals your relationship with God.
[00:23:47] The way the wife conducts herself is not a response to her husband's conduct. The way the wife conducts herself is a response to her soul before God. That's where all of her conduct is coming from.
[00:24:01] And she has this gentle spirit, this quiet spirit, the spirit that lives in fear of God.
[00:24:07] That trust God above all things that wants to do. Got things God's way more than anything else. If a woman has that kind of spirit between her and God, she can be a good wife. No matter how bad her husband is. And there are some bad husbands.
[00:24:25] And there are some great wives.
[00:24:27] I don't know if you've ever seen this before, if you've known a woman who is married to a man who defines himself as a non Christian, has no desire to be a Christian. His wife comes to church. He does not go to church with her. And yet they have a great marriage. How is that possible?
[00:24:45] Because that woman fears God. And she conducts herself in an honorable way. No matter how her husband treats her.
[00:24:58] Now skip down to verse seven. Let me just make this point for the for the husbands as well, because, guys, we get we get one verse in the text, but you'll notice we have more lines in the notes. That's kind of how it works for us guys. So verse seven says, likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. Since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, that's going back to the inheritance that we have. The hopes are high. The hope termism.
[00:25:29] We're going to heaven. Hey, your wife's right there with you. You've been given life by God. Together, you might be heirs going to the same place in heaven.
[00:25:38] So make sure you live with her in an understanding way so that your prayers may not be what is you say their guys may not be one.
[00:25:47] See, this is about your relationship with God. Man.
[00:25:51] That's where your love for your wife, your care for your wife, your desire to understand her, sacrifice for her, lead her out of sin. That's all going to come from. If Jesus has done that for you, then you're going to know how to do that for her. And if you're not doing that with her, if you're not living with your wife in an understanding way, don't expect your relationship with God to be OK.
[00:26:17] You cannot be right with God and wrong with your wife.
[00:26:21] If you're a husband, that's what he's saying.
[00:26:25] In both of these roles, he says things that you should do for your spouse or towards your spouse, but then he gets to it's really about your relationship with God.
[00:26:38] That's why so many people, they want marriage counseling. But what they really need is salvation in Jesus Christ. Can I get a man for anybody on that? We have people here in this parking lot sweating it out right now. That is the testimony of their life.
[00:26:54] Marriage is the thing that God used to open their eyes, that they were still living in their sin selfishly. And they really didn't have a life changing relationship with God. And they would've told you they believed in God. But it showed up in their marriage when they couldn't love their spouse. That's when they realized I'm not even saved.
[00:27:18] We have so many testimonies like that here at this church. See, today, people aren't really like, hey, was there a religious discussion, I can go join.
[00:27:29] Hey, is there some kind of like is there some kind of online chat where we can discuss the validity of the Bible and prophecy and things like this?
[00:27:38] People aren't as interested in religion. But you talk about marriage. A lot of people are interested in relationships and making their family work and figuring out how to be in love. And it's in relationships where many people in America right now are having their eyes opened that I need a savior because I can't do what this is telling me to do.
[00:27:59] I don't have the relationship with God to love my spouse in the way that the scripture commands. And I guarantee you there are people in the parking lot even willing to come and sweat at an eight o'clock service. Whoo! That's what this is going to reveal to you.
[00:28:17] I mean, I I've heard so many testimonies like this.
[00:28:20] It is awesome to see how God saves people. It is awesome to see his love, his compassion, how he draws people to himself. I had a lady share her testimony with me this week. I had so many great conversations with with people who are married in so many different situations.
[00:28:37] And a woman she was telling me this story at her husband's not even living with her right now, her husband has has left her and he's in his own skin and he's got his own financial problems and he is really just going down the wrong path in his life. And as he was treating his wife, perhaps the worst as he was leaving her, that's when she realized, you know, I don't really think I submit to him. I don't really think I am the right wife. I even though her husband you were to say he's not obeying the word. That poor lady. Look at how he's treating her. She's over here and her are thinking. Yeah, but I don't submit to him. And that clarity, that's what led her to repent, to turn from her sin and to trust in Jesus. And now she is safe. And now she she loves her husband. She submits them. She helped him. He has not changed his ways. But God has changed her heart.
[00:29:38] That's the real issue.
[00:29:40] The real issue in marriage is always be your soul before God. That's always going to be the issue. And you're going to want to make your step. The issue, you're going to want to make your circumstances issue. But, Peter, he gets rebuilt. He knows how it goes. And you are the problem in your marriage. Keep your elbows locked in. That's what Peter says.
[00:30:05] Where you out with Guy?
[00:30:08] So point number one, if you're a husband or a wife, here's which you got to do.
[00:30:12] You got to own your own role. You've got to own your own role.
[00:30:18] See, sometimes when we're doing marriage counseling and I love to talk to people about their marriages, I love to talk to people, even engaged people, we got some recently engaged people here.
[00:30:28] Very exciting. And I love to talk to them about getting married. Such a blessing that God has given us such a beautiful design of a husband and a wife. But a lot of times people say these phrases that are very common in our culture right now. I just we just need to fix our marriage. We just need to work on our marriage. I heard that so many times eventually. I just said to one couple exactly when I'm speaking to your marriage. Where should I look in the room right now?
[00:30:55] You can't look at your marriage.
[00:30:57] I can either look at the husband or I can look at the wife and all the husband can do is do husband things and all the wife can do is do wife things. We can't fix our marriage.
[00:31:08] We can only own our own role.
[00:31:10] That's what we've got. The Bible says a lot about marriage, like once you're joined together. You should never separate what God joins together, like the Bible said.
[00:31:20] And once you're married, you're basically as married as you can be. You can't be more married than you are. The moment you say I do. The moment you kiss the bride, the moment that document is signed and you are legally married, you're as married as you can be in that moment. You can't get more married. See, the Bible says once you're married. God's joined you together, stay together. Then it says wives. Here's what you can do. Husbands, this is there's a lot of wisdom just in how this is listed for us, where it's like, here's for the wives to think. Here's for the husbands to think. Try not to think too much about each other's versus just go memorize your verses. On your own side of it, build the bridge from your side 100 percent to the other side. Even if no bridge is being built back, you just do what God's commanded you to do. Get your eyeballs off what your spouse is not doing that you wish they were or what they are doing that you wish they weren't. And what are you doing that's contributing?
[00:32:20] You got to own your own role.
[00:32:23] It only addresses wives correcting themselves. It only addresses husbands correcting themselves. And it never says that what the wife does or the husband does is dependent on the other person. In fact, even if the other person is going completely the wrong direction, you could still win them over by your conduct.
[00:32:43] That's how much you. Can own your own role.
[00:32:48] And so what's the first line here is you got to be beautiful in God's sight. You got to be beautiful in God's sight. You got to adorn this gentle and quiet spirit. You got to you got to clothe yourself with it. You've got to put it on. Now, it's not it's not like it's saying something terrible about wives getting ready, getting dressed. Jewelry, hair. It's not it's not dismissing that or or saying something derogatory about that. It's just saying, hey, if that's all you're doing to get yourself ready to go, you're missing the most important part, which is what you're putting on on your heart.
[00:33:27] That gentle spirit, that quiet spirit. And really, it's a spirit. Not before your husband. It's a spirit before God. It's between you and God. You conduct yourself a certain way and submitting to your husband because you fear God, not because your husband's respectable.
[00:33:44] If you if you think your husband's doing respectable things, praise the Lord. But that's not the reason you submit to him. You submit to him because you fear God. And this is the role he designed in the creation of the world.
[00:33:58] This is the role he created you to be. He joins you together to be.
[00:34:06] You might feel like your marriage. It was a mistake when you got married. God joined you together and you should never separate.
[00:34:14] You are one before guy.
[00:34:18] And so God's given you this role. As a wife and what he's looking for, and it's this is so encouraging, I think here it's in God's sight is very precious.
[00:34:31] So we're going to get to the husbands here in a minute and the husbands can beat us, guys. I'll speak for myself included your guys. We can we can lack perception. We can miss reality. Can I get any men from any guy on that right guy? I mean, that was interesting. Those were only masculine. A mess, right. Because I'm sure that good job. Elbows were locked there, ladies. That was impressive. Right. I mean, I mean, the guys with your husband may not appreciate what you're doing. I guarantee you God sees your quiet and gentle spirit as precious. God sees what you're doing and it's trying to say here it's valuable. It's beautiful.
[00:35:14] It's something that that God really thinks is important, turn with me to the Book of Proverbs term with me to the Book of Proverbs and Proverbs, Chapter 31. It's amazing how much I've even heard Christians almost like make fun of Proverbs 31, like who really lives like this these days.
[00:35:36] But this is being held up as the kind of description that I'm the kind of a wife that's excellent, the kind of wife that God would look at and see a gentle and quiet spirit within her. And of the verse that we really need to see here in Proverbs 31, verse 30 is charm is deceitful, beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. This is the heart of the excellent wife husband. It's not about him. It's about that woman fearing the Lord, not just trying to act a certain way, not just trying to look a certain way, but actually trying to be a certain way before God in her soul. And then being a wife comes out of that relationship where she fears God.
[00:36:28] And the proverbs says that the fear of the Lord is a beautiful thing. It's like a fountain of life. It's like the beginning of wisdom.
[00:36:34] It's it's like the source of of real blessing where you turn away from evil and you really experience good when you're afraid of God's judgment. You don't want to disobey him. You want to do what God says. And when a wife fears God, no matter what her husband is doing, she'll want to be a good wife because God is the one who is over her even more than her husband.
[00:36:59] Now, one of the things it says in our passage is that wives, you can do this without a word. You don't need to tell your husband how lame he is.
[00:37:13] The facts are right there staring him in the mirror many times.
[00:37:17] You don't need to say it. You don't need to. If your husband's not a believer, you don't need to be preaching the gospel to him.
[00:37:22] You can be conducting yourself a literally says in Peter, one without a word Proverbs. Has this idea of a quarrelsome wife who is the antithesis of the excellent wife. You can look back at verse 10. This is Proverbs 31, verse 10, an excellent wife who can find she is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her.
[00:37:46] So there's another statement affirming that there's an excellent wife that is precious. And Peter saying that's in the side of God. That's who's valuing this excellent wife. Maybe her husband values her, but for sure, God does. Look at verse 28. It says even her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also and he praises her. Many women have done excellently, but you surpassed them all. See there. But then there's this other lady go over to Chapter 27, verse fifteen, chapter 27, verse fifteen. There's this other kind of wife that's described here, Proverbs 27, 15, a continual dripping. On a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife or a like.
[00:38:37] There's this quarrelsome wife and she's talked about in other passages like Chapter 21, verse nine.
[00:38:44] This this wife who keeps on saying something to start a quarrel. It's not the wife who's conducting herself to win her husband without a word. It's the wife who's trying to win her husband with her words.
[00:38:57] And it says like like a faucet that is dripping like a sound of dripping water. That doesn't stop. And is getting more and more annoying. That's the idea of the quarrelsome wife.
[00:39:12] So so one of the things that one of the practical things that the wives should be taken away is why should I be? What should I be saying to my husband? That would be a great question for every wife to ask yourself based on the scripture, am I really trying to win over without a word or am I really just trying to show myself. Excellent. As I fear God and trust that God's going to deal with my husband, or am I trying to deal with my husband? And am I actually becoming quarrelsome and counter-productive with the things that I'm saying?
[00:39:44] So we've got to that's something clearly in the proverbs. And Peter, he's highlighting this fact that there's something about a gentle and quiet spirit that God finds beautiful. But there could be a time where a wife is saying things and a wife is quarreling with her husband. That's actually counter-productive. It's actually embittering her husband. It's not convicting him. He's not wanting to be won over. He's not changing his tone or his behavior. He's actually getting more and more frustrated. So, wives, you really need to be careful. Are you quarreling or are you cultivating a quiet and gentle spirit?
[00:40:24] One is precious in the sight of God. One is warned against in the scripture. I can I can testify based I have no. I have an excellent wife that God has blessed me with. And I can testify. I am one of those set stories I like to tell is about my sandwich of of shame.
[00:40:43] I remember one day very specifically when I had been rude to my wife and she went into the kitchen and she made me something to eat and she brought it to me.
[00:40:53] And as I eat that sandwich, I knew I was a lame husband.
[00:40:59] And even though the sandwich tasted so good, I knew. She said nothing. And it spoke very clearly. So I want to I want to encourage you.
[00:41:13] To be careful that you're not the quarrelsome wife, but that you are fearing the Lord and then go back to a go back to first Peter three with me. Let's see this part about Sarah because he uses a positive example here. And first, Peter, Chapter three. I need everybody to look at this ADV. five and six. He refers to the holy women of old, and then he specifically mentions Sarah, the wife of Abraham.
[00:41:41] So Abraham is the example of faith. And here's Sarah. And she's being held up here as a good example.
[00:41:50] This is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves. Hey, let's go back and think of an example who put on this kind of a submissive attitude towards her husband and a gentle and quiet spirit before God. Sarah was like, this is Sarah. Look what it says. She obeyed Abraham. So now it's now it's getting like, hey, what does it mean to submit? Well, here it's saying now obey.
[00:42:15] Abraham calling him Lord, acting like he had authority over her by using a term like master or Lord. And you are her children. You are Sarah's daughters. If you do good and do not fear anything, that is frightening. So what I think a good meditation on these verses should do for every wife here today is you should leave here today less afraid of your husband and more afraid of the Lord. That would be a right response. Hey, let's even get that down for a second line there for the wives. Do not fear your husband, but fear God. If you fear God, you will. You will have the right attitude towards your husband. Notice it says you cannot fear anything that is frightening.
[00:43:05] You're afraid of your husband's response. If you're afraid of how your husband's going to take things, you might get thinking more about him rather than thinking about how God wants you to respond, what God says in his word, and letting your fear of God determine how you conduct yourself. So that's really the issue I want you to see this quote that he pulls out from Sarah is in Genesis 18. So everybody go all the way back to the first book of the Bible in Genesis 18 with me. And what is Peter referring to where Sarah called Abraham Lord? Because when you get to the story, it might be a little different. What then you think, OK? It's actually kind of this offhand comment that Sarah makes and she's not actually talking to Abraham when she says it. So we're going back to Genesis 18, verse 10, where they're the where the Lord has appeared to Abraham here as a man. And it says here in Genesis 18, verse 10. The law, that's your way. But it's a he's appeared here and he's having this interaction with Abraham. And it says the Lord says, I will surely return to you about this time next year. And Sarah, your wife will have a son. And Sarah, she's over here listening at the tent door behind him. We got Sarah over here, drop in some eaves on Abraham's conversation with your way and your way. Tells Abraham, a year from now, you'll have a son. Sarah is over here, here in this. And Sarah laughs to herself. Right. She laughs under her breath, thinking, nobody hears her after I am worn out. And my Lord. That's the reference right there. My Lord is old. So I don't know if at exactly hit it feels very flattering there.
[00:45:02] But even what the point is, is even in her her under her breath comment about her husband, she sees herself willingly underneath her husband. That's what Peter is highlighting.
[00:45:17] But the real issue here in Genesis 18, it let's keep going. After she says that, the Lord said to Abraham, why did Sarah laugh? Blasted I don't know if you ever overheard a conversation. And then you realized they know you're listening in, right? Blasted Sarah. Why did Sarah laugh and say, shall I indeed bear a child?
[00:45:38] Now that I am old, is anything too hard for the Lord? There's a phrase that a lot of wives would be encouraged to hear your way say.
[00:45:48] Is anything too hard for the Lord? God could save your husband. God could help your Christian husband get sanctified. God can bring other men into his life to be an example to him. Guy could use your conduct to convict your husband. Your husband is under the sovereign hand of God.
[00:46:08] Is anything too hard for the Lord? God gave Sarah when she was very old, when she was passed the time that women have children.
[00:46:18] She had the promised son. And he's making a point. Is anything too hard for your way at the appointed time? I will return to you about this time next year. And Sarah, she'll have a son. And Sarah is over here saying me what? I didn't laugh. Ha. You know. Right. For she was afraid. Because he said no, but you did laugh.
[00:46:44] See, this was really about Abraham's faith in the Lord. That's what being a wife is really about. It is about your faith in the Lord. It is about your fear of God. If God tells you the way to live as a wife, no matter what your husband does. Don't be afraid of your husband. Keep on fearing God, your husband. He's going to have to deal with God. Make sure your dealing with God. See, when your marriage is having a rough time. Maybe when you find yourselves in disagreements, when arguments you put, you're going to see is the posture of your think turned to the two of you focused on each other rather than the two of you focused on the Lord? Husband and wife focused on the Lord is going to have a beautiful effect on your marriage, focused on each other. It's either marriage won't be able to live up under that pressure.
[00:47:41] So maybe you've become very burdened because your husband has not been living with you in an understanding way, let's all turn back to first Peter three. Let's see what it says about the husbands. But before we get to the guys, let me just say to everyone who's a wife, maybe you have been hurt, by the way, your husband has been treating you and you have started to develop ways that you are responding to your husband. What this passage, I think what Peter writes here is really trying to free wives from the burden of their husbands, even their bad husbands.
[00:48:20] And saying you're under God.
[00:48:23] Don't let your fear of him.
[00:48:26] Change you from fearing God and conducting yourself with a quiet and gentle soul before your father and have.
[00:48:35] So he so. Hopefully this can really encourage you if you feel like all of my thoughts are determined by my husband's risk is. Hopefully this will help to free your mind, renew your mind. I want to think about what God thinks about me as a white.
[00:48:52] And not conditioned myself based on my husband. Now, men, please pay attention, every man.
[00:48:59] Pay attention to this because it says live with your wives in an understanding way. Hey, what that means is, according to knowledge, if you're if you're a husband, could you write that down? According to knowledge, that's not one of the notes. But that's a way to say understanding what it literally it could be translated according to knowledge.
[00:49:18] Hey, you you got to know, I mean, I think there's more than even just knowing your wife. You've got to know what the scripture says you're supposed to do as a husband. You gotta know well how God has designed marriage to be and how you're supposed to be the head of your wife. You need to know these things.
[00:49:37] And so you've got to live according to knowledge and then it says here a phrase that is really controversial, really debated, showing honor to woman as the weaker vessel. Now, if you go look this up in any commentary you go read about first, Peter, you go start looking this up online. There's going going to be all kinds of conjecture, all kinds of speculation. What does that mean? The part of the phrase that people get focused on is this weaker vessel part. What does that mean exactly? In what way is the woman weaker? We'll get back to that. Okay. But let's keep going here. It says, since they are Airds with you, since they're together with you in this greatest of luck. And that reference to Eyre's, remember, we were promised an inheritance. Does anybody remember when hopes were high? Does anybody remember when we started first, Peter? Right. Well, that's what you're supposed to be about, husbands, so that your prayers may not be hindered. So let's just start with the threat here at the end of this verse. And let's say this to the husbands. Be humbled or be hindered. That's how it's going to go down.
[00:50:46] Be humbled or be hindered.
[00:50:49] Hey, as a husband, you cannot get full of yourself like I'm the spiritual leader. That is a phrase I would encourage no man to ever say.
[00:50:58] I'm the head of this house now. No. I would encourage you not to say those kinds of things. Those might be true statements.
[00:51:07] But is that really the humble way of servant leadership that we learned from the one who is the head of all things, from the one who is the leader of all, from the one who is Lord of Lords, king of kings name, exalted above every name.
[00:51:25] He didn't come given us his resumé. He came in a manger. He didn't come riding on the clouds, not not the first time. Not the time that we're supposed to follow his example, how he sacrificed himself. He came dying on a cross.
[00:51:43] If you puff yourself up as a husband, your prayers will be hindered before God. God is opposed to the proud. You could put after that. God is opposed to the proud husbands.
[00:51:58] To the guys who think they get to call the shots and run the show, one of the real bad ideas that guys have is I'm going to make rules at my house.
[00:52:09] No, the lord of Heaven and earth made the rules. You're just there to teach his rules to your house, not to start acting like you're the king of your own universe.
[00:52:22] And so you got to be careful, guys, because this is saying you got to live in an understanding way. You've got to show honor to her as the weaker vessel. You've got to be right there with her as co heirs of the grace of life. Turn with me to park 10. If if we're supposed to love our wives, as Jesus love does, go to mark 10. And let's see how Jesus led the disciples. Let's see how Jesus taught the disciples to be leaders. This is a lesson that Peter learned. This is Mark. Ten. 42 to 45. Because one thing that happens in Mark Nine and Mark Ten is the disciples start an argument among them about who is the greatest disciple. They started ranking the disciples. Who's going to win the gold, the silver, the bronze. In fact, the Sons of Thunder, James and John get their mom to come ask Jesus if they set in the kingdom, can they stand on his right hand and his left hand? Can we get the best seats next to you? Jesus, are we your two greatest disciples? These that's how these guys. There was some overzealousness among the disciples when they start first started following Jesus. Remember how James and John wanted to call down fire from the sky to consume people? The Sons of Thunder. And now they're saying, hey, we're kind of we're kind of the most intense. We're kind of the most hardcore Christians you've got. We're kind of the the best disciples you've got. Jesus do we get to sit next to you in glory? Here's what Jesus says about being a leader.
[00:53:58] Mark Ten forty 42. Jesus called them to him teaching moment with the disciples and said to them, you know, that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lorded over them. You know how people in the world who have authority like to show off that they have authority.
[00:54:13] And they're great ones. Exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. Whoever would be great among you must be your servant.
[00:54:26] And whoever would be first among you must be slave of all.
[00:54:31] For even the son of man. Came not to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for any.
[00:54:39] Hey, if the wife wants to call you Lord like Sarah called Abraham, let her do that.
[00:54:46] You don't need to call yourself that guy's. You should call yourself a slave. You should call yourself to serve. You should put yourself in the lowest position following the lordship and leadership of our savior, Jesus Christ.
[00:55:03] So, guys, we got to be careful, there's a lot of guys that start thinking about being a husband the wrong way and they start thinking, well, I'm the leader, so what should I do as a leader? Well, maybe step one, stop thinking of yourself as the leader. Step to start thinking of yourself as the servant.
[00:55:19] That might be a great, great difference in thinking there.
[00:55:25] How can you serve, how you sanctify, how can you do the things that Jesus did not coming up with your own idea of what you should do? Follow the example that's been set before you and Jesus Christ. You could write down Ephesians five, 25, 26, 27. We got to follow the example of our Lord.
[00:55:46] Now, go back to first Peter three and let's think through what does it mean here to live with your wife and an understanding way and show honor to her as the weaker vessel. What does that mean, guys? Does that mean she's weaker emotionally? Does that thing mean she's weaker when it comes to physical things? Does that mean she's weaker when it comes to financial things? You can read some some very interesting things, crazy things. People are right out there. What what it what does it mean that she's the weaker vessel? Here's what I would say. Guys, why don't you write this down? Stop expecting your wife to be like you. That's what it means, that she's the weaker vessel. She's not like you.
[00:56:27] She's different from you by design, on purpose.
[00:56:32] God made her to be a perfect complement to you. A helper suitable for you. She is not going to know what you're thinking when you do a poor job of communicating it to her.
[00:56:43] She's not just going to roll with the punches, as you might roll with the punches, as you might talk with other men that might come across to her in a very harsh way.
[00:56:56] So the one thing that we've got to realize is that we have a golden rule to treat others in the way that you want to be treated. But it says, husbands, you've got to live with your wives according to knowledge, because it's not. She's not going to want to be treated the same way. You want to be treated your different by design.
[00:57:16] So this is a big, hard thing for a lot of us husbands is we think a certain way.
[00:57:22] And it's hard for us to get outside of the way we think and into the way our wives think. And to really consider things and understand things from their perspective when we start out already frustrated that they're not getting it from our perspective.
[00:57:40] They weren't told to get it from your perspective. You are told to get it from their perspective.
[00:57:47] It whatever it means, that they are weaker. You're supposed to value them. You're supposed to show them that they matter to you. You're supposed to lift them up. You're supposed to honor them. That's the point of the statement. The emphasis is on these showing honor, not on the weaker vessel. So what can you do to lift your wife up? What can you do to show her that she matters to you? What can you do to live with her according to knowledge, to know how she is thinking, feeling, doing about something and to come at it from her perspective?
[00:58:25] This is the call for it for the guys. And guys.
[00:58:30] Because there's versus in Proverbs for the men here as well to versus that, I think are very helpful for every guy here in Proverbs, chapter 18, verse 22. And this is for any guy who is married, any guy who wants to be married, any guy who knows somebody who is married. And you might talk to him some day about his marriage.
[00:58:55] And if the guy if you ever hear another man, anything to you about how it's hard to live with his wife according to knowledge and how she's not like him, you don't laugh at his jokes.
[00:59:07] You got a first, Peter three seven that bro bro. Why are you expecting your wife to be like you?
[00:59:16] Proverbs 1822 says this.
[00:59:19] Proverbs 18, verse 22, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. If you have a wife, that's a that's a gift. That's something good. That is a blessing from God. Look over one page there. Proverbs 19, 14 may be on the same page. House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is. From who? Who does she come from? Men. Let's honor her as from the Lord. That's our last plank there. Honor her as from the Lord.
[00:59:50] God has given you a gift and he is expecting you to handle with care.
[00:59:57] He is saying that the gift might be more fragile than you are. And so you need to make sure that you're honoring that you're valuing that you're really taking good care of the gift that God has given to you. There is always something more at the end of that thought. Husbands, what can you do to show your wife? She matters to you. There is always something more that you can do no matter what she is doing.
[01:00:27] And if you can convince your wife how much she matters to you, you will reap a great blessing in that.
[01:00:34] See, when this is a this is a picture. This is a picture of the gospel being put on display here. See, marriage, this is this is something that we need to understand.
[01:00:46] People are going to look maybe not at our Bibles. They may not come sweat it out in the parking lot with us, but they're going to look at our marriages and they're going to decide what they think about God based on our relationships as husbands and wives.
[01:01:04] Are they going to see the gospel? Are they going to think we're different?
[01:01:11] This is a way that people are supposed to be getting safe because they know so and so and they see that couple. And that lady, she's always lifting that guy up and willingly placing herself underneath him. And that guy, he's always love her and serve in her and not acting like he's in charge, but honoring her and valuing her. And when you see that that's an example of love that puts them in a place ready to see that Jesus did that for their soul.
[01:01:42] The question we should be asking ourselves is not how do we fix our marriage, but how does our marriage show people the gospel of Jesus Christ? How does our marriage show people the relationship that Jesus Christ has to love and serve us and that we as the church have to willingly submit ourselves to follow him? So I'm going to pray for everybody here who's married, and then we're going to have Ryan sing a song that he wrote to be sung at a wedding.
[01:02:11] And it's all about how the how the gospel is put on display in the marriage relationship. And let's spend that whole song praying together that the marriages of CompassHB HP will put the gospel on display and more people will get saved, that husbands today will be convicted, that they don't love their wives and live with them in an understanding way.
[01:02:34] And they will turn to God that wives today will be convicted, that they don't submit to their husbands and will turn to God, and that as the husband and wife will have a relationship with God and fulfill these roles, they own their own roles with one another, that other people will even see those marriages and be saved by the gospel.
[01:02:53] Let me pray for us right now, father in heaven. We really need this word down here, honor.
[01:03:00] Father, marriage is being mocked every single day that it's being rewritten.
[01:03:07] The sins related to marriage are so many. And the fact that you're going to come and judge all of the sexually immoral, all of the adulterers, anyone who's taking one flesh outside of that relationship between husband and wife. God, there is going to be a great judgment on this nation if you're going to judge all of the sexually immoral.
[01:03:31] And so now we need this word about marriage to go out.
[01:03:35] We need people to really hear what the Bible's saying today. God, I pray that you'll be speaking to hearts. I pray that your spirit will be testifying with our spirit.
[01:03:43] I pray that our elbows will be nudging us, convicting us of being lame husbands of UN submissive wives and blame in our spouses for it the entire time.
[01:03:56] God, let us be people that fear you. Let us take you at your word.
[01:04:03] Let us have souls that really have a relationship with you. And because you love us, we can live a certain way because Jesus died for us. We can serve. Got people don't care about religion anymore, but they do care about relationships. They do care about families. And God, please let those people see the gospel in the marriages here at this church.
[01:04:34] See it in the wives. And let them see it in the husbands.
[01:04:38] And let your name as the creator of marriage, as the giver of your son, Jesus Christ, as the savior of our souls. That your name get the glory for the marriages that you have joined together. You are the creator. We are your creation. Let us do what we've been designed to do and let us do it for your glory. That the gospel of Jesus might ring out in our marriages.
Sign up to receive email updates
Enter your name and email address below and I'll send you periodic updates about the podcast.